Anyway
by Enzonia
Summary: Merlin has pretty much had it with the Evil sorcerers that continually attack Camelot, and this time, he is more than slightly pissed off. Nothing will stand in his way, be them Cornish Pixies, Evil Sorcerers or Evil minions 1-5 . With the help of conveniently placed cupboards and Merlin BAMF!ness Merlin will - Hang on, was that Sir Leon flying overhead? More than slightly Cracky.


**My first Merlin story! He's probably a bit OOC as this is mostly lampshading. You know the stuff that continually happens in Merlin episodes. Also, who's looking forward to Merlin series 5? EVERYONE! *Goes off to celebrate***

* * *

It was just a normal day in Camelot.

Merlin had awoken to find that an Evil sorcerer had attacked the castle (again) with some supposedly undefeatable magical creatures and/or spells to awaken the dead (3rd time this week) to get revenge on Uther (even though he was dead) for persecuting people with magic (Merlin had lost count of the number of times _that _had happened).Well, that wasn't _technically _true. He had really awoken to Gaius looking slightly more grave than usual, and before Merlin had time to do anything other than yawn loudly Gaius had explained the situation to him.

Of course, they_ had_ to attack on his day off, didn't they? Merlin thought bitterly. They could have at least had the common courtesy to hold off the attack until he had eaten breakfast, but apparently that was too much to ask these days.

Anyway.

It wasn't even as if they'd put much effort into the whole 'supposedly undefeatable magical creatures' side of the attack either, Merlin thought as he ran towards Arthur's chambers. He'd fought (and won) against Dragons, Griffins, Trolls, Afancs and pretty much every 'supposedly undefeatable magical creature' that existed. So the sight of small, blue Cornish pixies was more than slightly disappointing. Almost like they didn't have their heart in the whole 'let's take over Camelot!' plan. He ducked to avoid a crowd of pixies carrying what looked suspiciously like a miffed Sir Leon overhead. Shooting Sir Leon a quizzical look, Merlin ran into the corridor outside Arthur's room.

He overshot slightly and instead of skidding to a halt at the end of the corridor, he slammed into the wall, causing the people outside the room to begin to turn. Before they could do anything other than look comically shocked, Merlin had blown them backwards with one flash of his eyes. He hurried towards the door, this time listening before he blew the door off its hinges. The sound of voices greeted his ears, and it wasn't the prat's either. The voices were muffled slightly due to the thick wood of the door, and it was hard to hear anything that was being said. One thing he _did _realise was that the voices were approaching the door.

Merlin hid himself in a conveniently placed cupboard nearby and waited for them to exit the room. As expected, a few seconds later two of them exited, carrying swords and wearing armour. Great, not only an 'Evil sorcerer' and 'supposedly undefeatable magical creatures' (even if that side was a little weak) but 'assorted Evil minions' too. They were talking loudly and didn't seem to care that much that someone might be listening in to their conversation.

"Yes, the King has been taken to the throne room" Evil minion 1 was saying "Soon; the plan will be complete, soon…"

"Mwahaha" said Evil minion 2, looking more than slightly evil.

"Indeed" Evil minion 1 replied, nodding and the two of them began to walk along the corridor, not seeming to care that the hallway was lined with other unconscious minions. Minions didn't seem to be the cleverest of the bunch. Merlin was actually pretty surprised they knew how to _speak._ Most of the time, the Evil minions didn't speak at all, and Merlin was pretty certain they were nothing less than Cannon Fodder half the time. Why did people keep signing up for the job of Evil minion? He didn't think that the survival rate was that high, and the pay probably wasn't that great either.

Anyway.

Merlin pulled open the cupboard door and sprang out. He was still moving sideways when he began to run towards the Throne Room. Something else he had learnt from his time in Camelot was that Evil Sorcerers liked their Throne Rooms. They either appeared there during ceremonies, captured Arthur and took them there while they told them their whole evil plan, or just went there for the hell of it. And this time, they had taken Arthur there. Honestly, did Merlin have to watch Arthur every second to stop him being kidnapped? He already did that most of the day, and Merlin drew the line at watching Arthur sleep. That would just be creepy.

Near the Throne Room, Merlin ran into the pixies again, who had managed to get ahold of some paint and were writing rude words on priceless tapestries in large letters. He briefly thought about killing them, but decided that they weren't causing problems, so left them to it. After correcting the pixies spelling and showing them how to draw vulgar pictures too, he carried on towards the Throne Room.

As he was about to pass through an archway, he heard footsteps approaching him. Another thing he had learnt from his time in Camelot was that guards were really, _really _dumb. They'd follow a suspicious thingy that was rolling of its own accord, even abandoning their posts to do so. He had always wondered what the test was to become a guard, and whether the test was simply whether they could breathe and talk at the same time.

Anyway.

He pushed himself against the wall, watching with mild disbelief as the Evil minion walked right past him. Now was not the time to wonder in astonishment (again) about the field of vision the guards possessed. Or didn't possess. Now was the time to rescue the Prat, who'd managed to get himself in trouble again.

As usual, when he arrived outside the guard room, it was guarded by a handful of Evil minions. Evil minions 1 and 2 were nowhere to be seen. Perhaps they'd accidently drowned themselves somewhere. The minions turned round as Merlin appeared at the end of the corridor, looking at him in slight surprise. They then withdrew their swords.

"Leave" Evil minion 3 said, walking towards Merlin with his sword out.

"No" Merlin replied, and with one flick of his hand the man flew into the air and slammed against the wall. Evil minions 4 and 5 looked at their friend, then at Merlin, then at each other.

Then Evil minion 5 screamed slightly and ran away.

That was a first.

Normally they stayed, even after seeing Merlin dispatch their fellows easily. Maybe that was something else they tested for, stupidity and loyalty. Or maybe they were too stupid to see Merlin as a threat.

Evil minion 4 stayed still as Merlin approached the door, shaking slightly.

"Y-you can't go in there" he stuttered, holding his sword up again and backing into the door.

"Get out my way" Merlin said calmly, stopping and standing still in the corridor.

"I don't think so" Evil minion 4 replied, and he seemed to be growing in confidence slightly, perhaps with the idiotic belief that because Merlin wasn't moving, he wasn't going to attack.

"Get. Out. My. Way" Merlin repeated.

"Make me." He said, holding the sword up high.

Something inside Merlin snapped.

"Do you know who I am? I am _Emrys_, the one foretold to be the greatest sorcerer of them all! I killed the High Priestess of the Old Religion, Nimueh and have mastered the power over life and death! I defeated the most powerful sorcerer of all time, Cornelius Sigan! I am a Dragonlord; I tamed Kilgarrah, last of the Dragons! I have seen the future in the crystal of Neahtid and visited the Crystal Cave! My name is _Emrys_, now Get. OUT. MY. WAY!"

The door behind the guard exploded.

The guard said something that sounded suspiciously like "Mimblewimble" and fell to the floor in a dead feint.

On the other side of the door stood the Evil sorcerer, and a rather shocked looking Arthur who appeared to have heard everything Merlin had just said. It was probably a bit more than an understatement to say that Arthur's jaw had fallen to the ground. Ah. He might not have thought his plan through that well.

Oh well, he could always escape from the dungeons. It wasn't like they were well guarded or anything.

Anyway.

He stepped forward into the room, as the Evil sorcerer gave an evil grin and stepped forward. "Emrys, I see you have decided to join us. But I am afraid it is too late, I am in command of all and I wi-"

Then the ceiling fell on top of him.

Distracted somewhat by his evil plan-revealing speech, he only just got a shield up in time with a quick yell of _"Scildan"._ The rock hit the shield with a dull _thunk_ and slid off to the side, leaving the Evil sorcerer looking more than slightly disgruntled. Evil sorcerers didn't always like it when they got interrupted.

Merlin wasn't really in the mood to listen to him whitter on though. The sorcerer scowled at him, and yelled _"Forb__ærne!"_ and shot his handful of fire at Merlin. With a quick flick of his wrist and a flash of his eyes, the fireball vanished without a trace. Looking slightly confused, the sorcerer shot another one, which again vanished, followed by another one.

After about 5 fireballs, the sorcerer switched tactics, shooting a slab of ceiling at Merlin. It vanished again. Now looking rather frantic, the socerer started shooting different spells at him, while Merlin stood still looking rather bored. When the sorcerer started shooting fireballs again, Merlin broke his silence.

"Oh come on" he exclaimed "You've already done the fireballs, they_ don't work_, remember?"

The sorcerer gave a frightened squeak, and vanished into a puff of dust, probably never to return. They didn't normally come back if they found out about Merlin, and it was pretty obvious why. People tended to faint with shock when they found out, which was pretty irritating. Was it that hard to believe?

Anyway.

He turned to Arthur, who was frozen in the same position he was in before, mouth moving wordlessly.

Merlin sighed.

It was going to be a long day.


End file.
